On April 12, 2010, I made a statement to the universe in a small, private ceremony in my backyard. I wanted others to be there, but it didn’t quite work out the way I intended.. and I’ll make it up to most of you another way, I promise.
When I went to bed on April 12, it was the last time I would refer to myself by the name given to me by my adoptive parents: “Christopher Baumann Sullivan.” When I awoke on April 13, I would refer to myself as Archturiat Christoff Baumann. It’s a name that will give spellcheckers fits for generations to come.
The legal paperwork is still being worked out, and it’s likely I won’t be able to take on my name “legally” until September 1, 2010. But, I am now going to use the name everywhere I can. If people have trouble with my first name, so be it.
As I’ve revealed before, I’ve never been comfortable with my birth name. I’ve always felt it represents many things I’m not. I’ve talked about it on my LiveJournal, and I’ve mused around privately with a few of you over the years.
First off, please continue to use whatever name you feel comfortable with using. I’ve been “Chris” to many of you for a lifetime: I don’t expect you to immediately stop calling me by that name. It is still IN my name, and I won’t take offense being called that. I have a deep level of respect for both my maternal uncle and grandfather who had that name as part of them. Part of my choice in name involves honoring them in my later years by being the man I think both my grandfather and my uncle would have admired in life.
As far as “Archturiat” goes, that requires a lot deeper explanation than I think I’ve ever given publically.
I am a deeply spiritual man, even if I’m pretty quiet about my religious and spiritual views. The reasons for my silence are many and varied: for one, it is difficult to practice a minority religion in this country without expecting some negative feedback from “certain parts” of the populace. And I’ve always been a bit of a skeptic anyway, so the more esoteric “spiritual” parts of my religious practice even sometimes makes me uncomfortable as a man who trusts science to always provide answers and to get to the bottom of the truth.
For whatever reason, be it a spiritual blessing or a psychiatric illness, I’ve always had two very distinct sides. They aren’t as discreet as “personalities”, per se. Call it a duality of being: there are two distinct sides of my personality. A yin and a yang; a masculine and a feminine. I often times find myself literally “arguing” with myself over things, one side wants to turn left and the other right.
At some point in my life, I’ve even developed a pretty complicated dogma involving some very weird spiritual ideals of where this duality comes from. If you’ve been exposed to that perspective, consider it an honor to possess that knowledge.
However, I’ve suppressed a lot of what “she” (the feminine side of myself) desires and wants out of “our” time on this pithy little rock. Some of it because it didn’t fit what it means to be “male” in this society. Some of it because it seemed to weird, radical, or even undesirable. Some of it just because it was uncomfortable to speak with her voice, or to write with her hand… it was easier to have the male side translate.
Her name has always been Archturiat. I don’t know, truly, exactly where the name comes from. It took me the better part of my early adult life to find it, and there were some false starts and errors. However, that is her name. Others have even felt her presence.. they’ve seen her in magickal circles with me. A few have been blessed with hearing her voice directly, and even with knowledge of her name before it was apparent to me.
Right now, she needs to come first. I’ve spent the first half of my life being “Christopher.” I will spend the second half of my life letting her be first: the male can take second place for a while.
No, this doesn’t mean any radical changes. No, I’m not getting gender reassignment surgery (although, kudos and a hearty Huzzah! to those who have the courage to make that change). “Both of us” are comfortable with our male shell, even with all of the faults. But no longer will I allow her bright flame to be hidden under whatever male hat I wear. She’s now a part of me completely, and now even part of my name.
So, please, call me “Archturiat” if you are comfortable with that. Or, continue to call me “Chris”, “feedle”, or if you’ve known me THAT long, “Wally” is even still perfectly acceptable.
Slight revision: A good friend of mine came up with the short-name “Archer.” I like that a lot, and it is probably the good short version of Archturiat. Plus, putting the last name “Baumann” on there gives it a sense of irony and irreverence that tickles me greatly…
