Goodbye, and hello.

Angel has left the building.

Something has happened to me the past week. I’m not 100% sure exactly when it happened, to be precise. Maybe it happened when I went to Denver for the job interview and realized my life was about to get very interesting. Maybe it happened that fateful day I heard that I not only did “well” on the interview I blew people away with my intelligence and ability to deal with hard technical questions. Maybe this is a change that started on Feb 26, 2014, when I walked out of BendBroadband’s office for the last time as an employee and proceeded to make my way to the operating table of St. Charles’ Hospital.

But the defining moment of change was on one of those mornings with just me, the bathroom mirror, and the forever jarring view of myself staring back asking the question I try to ask every day: “How are we today?” That day I said back to myself, “I’m spreading my wings to move to Denver. Care to come with?”

Molting has always been a hard process for me. It happened once before recently, and I think I’m still dealing with the fallout of not letting myself completely heal from the last molt. That day I sold my house in Arbor Lodge, packed up my possessions into a 8×20′ storage locker, and began this last four-ish years of healing I’ve been through. That day I shed those feathers, threw them in a locker on McLoughlin Blvd., and said I’m ready to hunker down and hibernate if I have to.

I wasn’t ready for that molt. I was still reeling from the loss of losing my home, losing my lover, losing everything I had tried to build of the life I came to Portland to develop after my parents passing. That molt was not by choice, it was by necessity. I didn’t choose the timing.

This molt is different. It’s my time. I’ve chosen this. I want to change and lose the scarred and tattered wings I grew when I needed to simply focus on survival. I’m ready to thrive again, ready to grow and change, and ready to embrace whatever tomorrow will make me look like.

I’m frightened and scared. I’m kind-of naked out here, new wings still taking form, new feathers starting to come through. As such, I’m occasionally volatile, often kind-of raw, and still learning what “normal” is again. But I’m excited about new opportunities, ready to face them regardless of where they lead.

Your Queen of Swords stands before you, hand outstretched in invitation. I’m spreading those wings and moving to Denver. Care to come with?

One thought on “Goodbye, and hello.

  1. The good thing about this change is the fact you chose it, and your wording leads me to believe this will be a good thing indeed. We don’t always know the path our life will take us, but there is no such thing as random chance. Everything happens for a reason.

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